Bribery will get you EVERYWHERE.

No really, it will. I made Natalee a potty chart and the kid is already two sparkly butterfly stickers away from an ice cream cone! She is doing fantabulously now. She pottied on the little potty, and then I decided to leave the bathroom door open and light on in case she would go on her own...and here's where it gets gruesome, so those of you with weak stomachs, skip a couple lines... anyway, she did- she POOPED! What the crap!? I went in there to check on her, and she had climbed up on  the big toilet and pooped and got off of the toilet. I was so damn excited that I might've worried her a little. I gave her knucks (the highest form of flattery in Craftopia) and we told Jonathan, and then put TWO glittery butterfly stickers on the chart for that one! Those of you who have potty trained know that the number 2 effort is supposed to be the harder of the two. Here I was, about to give up on this whole potty-training thing, but I suppose Natalee just wanted to do it on her terms. Kind of like everything else she does. **Sigh** This kid is going to give us one hell of a time.

I don't mean to make this the Natalee show, but she also rocks at the alphabet flashcards. She knows a lot of the letters. If she doesn't know the letters, she knows how to associate them. For instance, she recognizes a capital D but for the lowercase d, she kind of blanked out Yesterday, so instead of saying "d" or "I don't know," she said "dog!" So, the kid is smart. She is shocking me around every corner. I try to do the flashcards with her twice daily. Once she gets the hang of it, we'll do a "smart-chart" kind of like the "potty-chart."

In other news, Juliette's first tooth is trying to break through. Tons of fun, let me tell you. Her baltic amber necklace seems to help tons, but she is still a little bit fussy. It's an eye tooth. Weird. She does super-great in her walker/activity toy thingy... It's like this pedestal with all these toys on it, and it has this seat with wheels that hooks to the base so she can walk in a circle around it in either direction. Last night, she ran from me, and then would turn around and try to chase me. It was adorable.

Well, I would love to fill you in on more exciting shiz, but there isn't much more to tell and my brain is threatening to leak out of my ears if I continue to look at a bright screen. I would just hate to clean brain matter off of a microfiber couch, so until next time, y'all.

OMG Grrrrrrrrrrr

Okay. So I just sat here and typed my little heart out for like 30 straight minutes about my day and my life and funny shit in general. It was good stuff. You would have laughed. Guaran-f'n-tee it. And guess what!? I click save, and it takes me to the sign in page.

what the holy hell!?!??!??!

I am a little furious, and a lot discouraged. I am not retyping that shit tonight. Maybe tomorrow. We shall see.

Peace out, girl scouts.

Leaky faucets and flash cards

     Yup, you read right. I have a cold. So does Juliette. Although, she is doing great with the cloth diapering, and I absolutely love it. Juliette seems to take the cold better than I do though, she's still playing and smiling, and she thinks sneezing is quite hilarious. I, however, am not a big fan of this cold business.
     Anyway, moving right along, Natalee shocked the hell out of me the other day. She pulls a flash card out of a drawer, showed me and said "D." It definitely had a D on it. She did the same thing with an X and an S!! What the F!? Blew my mind, and brought tears to my eyes. Yea, so I got emotional, sue me. I'll have my people call your people. I was like hell yes, so I'm going to work on the other 23 letters with her, and see if she rocks at the other 23 like she did at the first 3. How did I not know she knew her letters? Did Nick Jr teach her that!? Anyway, after letters, its just a little push to words, then sentences and books. She could be reading by 3 years old! Then it occurred to me, this kid better be in panties by the time she's reading! haha. Whatever, it happens.
     So those are the highlights of lately. Not much, I know. Which is why I haven't written lately. Going through a dry spell I suppose, I'm sure some more funny stuff will happen at my expense soon. Until then, be well!

This Should Be Interesting....

     'Ello 'Ello. I am getting a rather late start tonight. That is probably because I only woke up six hours ago. Yep, I woke up at 4:30 PM. You see, these new medications I'm on make me feel quite odd. I am still exhausted and could go to bed right now if little Miss Juliette would allow me to. I think I will be back to normal in a few days once the medications regulate within my body and the other medications I am on. In the meantime, I am like a very alive zombie. Meaning, don't freaking shoot me, for the love of Peter Griffin, don't shoot me!
     Juliette, by the way, is in the "rocking" phase. This is where a baby gets up on his or her hands and knees and rocks back and forth, but just can't figure out the "picking up the legs and hands" part. It's really quite funny, because instead of pulling one knee under her, and then the other-like most babies seem to do- she hops and pulls both knees under her at the same time! Overachiever, that kid!
     I have been drinking tons of water today like the doctor told me. Let me tell you, it's a lot harder than you would think. It actually sucks. After about five full glasses of water, I was sure I had reached my goal. The salt thing is even harder. Especially because I have not even thought about eating all that much today. I ate a slice of pizza because it was ordered. That was mainly an autopilot thing though, haha.
       Well I think I am done for today, because I really have nothing left to add, and the way I'm feeling, I doubt I even remember that I blogged today. So happy reading out there. And all you zombie hunters, give me a couple days before you come after me. I should be fine. If not, by all means, do what you gotta do.

Big Fancy Words With Lots of Syllables

     Well, hello! I didn't see you there. Not so surprisingly, I still can't! So not so many interesting things have happened today, but I will be sure to report all interesting and uninteresting. Grab your fine-toothed comb and get ready! Here we go!

     Natalee is a urinary rebel. Looks like it will take some time with this potty training business. Oh, joy. Juliette did pretty well at her first try at a sippy cup. She's been having some teething issues, so I put a couple ounces of water and a couple ice cubes in there. It worked out splendidly. My husband got a wild hair and cleaned! It was amazing! I said thank you, that the living room looked fantastic and he said "What about the kitchen!?" Of course. Oh well. I probably would've said thank you for the kitchen had I had some time to actually see it.

     Moving on, I had a pretty important doctor's appointment today. My cardiologist concluded from the multitude of not fun tests that I have Neurocardiogenic Syncope. Which is just a couple big, fancy words with lots of syllables meaning: I pass out a lot randomly for no reason. Which I already knew, which was one of the reasons I was seeking treatment. However, he did prescribe me a medicine for it. So that's good. He also dropped a bomb on me that almost made my girly emotions get the best of me. With this disease, I need to have about ten pounds of fluid weight on me at all times. He wants me to drink a gallon of water a day and add salt to everything I eat. I was already wanting to lose 40 friggin pounds and now I'm going to have to go ahead and go for 50 just to account for the 10 I need to gain to not pass out. Again, joy. Good times! I'm glad I have some answers though. I just wish they didn't result in me being fatter. I wish I could have some kind of illness that ate my ass and thighs. No answer on the headaches though, so I'm sure I will be referred to another doctor after I go for my follow up with my neurologist. Whatever.

     On a good note, my hair looked fabulous today! I'm lying. I shouldn't lie to you. I just wanted to have a good note for you today. I'm sorry. I will say eleventy-seven hail marys and do twenty-one push ups. I hope that you have found a golden nugget in this pile of dirt and I hope to dry your eyes out again tomorrow. This has been DeLaina, boring your brain to DEATH.

Did you really come back for more?

Wow! I'm not even angry! I'm impressed! For those of you that are unaware, that is a line from Ron Burgundy as played by Will Ferrell. Ahhhmazing.

Anyway. Continuing this little wordy shindig, I believe I will start with Natalee's urinary progress. If you can call it that. Still naked, and she held it. All day. I put her in a pull-up to eat, because I was afraid she'd need to go while eating and end up in a puddle. Well she went in the damn pull-up of course and that's the ONLY time she went.....until 5 freaking 25. At least she went though. She's eating an ice cream pop on her potty right now.

Juliette. Well, she's Juliette. Drooly, happy, hungry, a baby. But she did say "mama" last night. Jonathan calls crap on that one because no one else heard it. Of course not. The xbox was on! Whatever. If she said it once, she will say it again, and again and again. Natalee is testament to that.

So Jonathan went to Sowella today to schedule his classes for the Spring semester. I am a terrible wife, because I am bitter about it. I have wanted to finish school since I quit! Instead, he gets to. Kinda feels like he's doing my dream. Except not, because he's studying to be a game warden. Lammmme. Whatever. I'll get to do my thing one day. When the kids go to school probably. But maybe not, because I cannot see missing one school play or sporting event. Yep, I'm going to be that mom. Not the one that's sitting in the front yelling, "do better! elbow her! stomp feet! that's the wrong line, you imbecile!" But the one that is sitting in the front after having arrived possibly 5 minutes early to make sure no one needed any extra help, and clapping no matter what! And even if I happen to pick up a smoking or drug habit, I won't take not one smoking or drug-doing break! Okay, just kidding about the drugs. I wouldn't just "pick" one of those up. Nor would I do them at school.

Otherwise, today has been a pretty lame day. The potty training war of 2011 and sitting around sulking around about being an uneducated statistic. I guess that's all for today. Try and stay with me. It's bound to get interesting eventually!

Day 1. Trying this on for size. A day of momentous nudity.

     I say momentous nudity because my oldest daughter, Natalee, who is 2, is completely naked right now. My husband is convinced that this is not the way that "normal" people potty train their daughter. Neither is playing Call of Duty: Black Ops and complaining about diaper changes! So I have taken on a few tasks lately. One of which: this blog. Let's see if I stick to it... Another task, obviously the potty training, but we'll touch on that again in a minute. Bad choice of words. I'm not a creeper, and we're not touching on anything. Anyway, task numero tres: cloth diapering. Yep, I said it. Some of you may be laughing, scoffing, or have gone to the bathroom for a pee break, but it's true. I am going to do it, and I am excited.
    
      It started with Juliette, who will be 6 months on the 7th, having very sensitive skin. No surprise there considering all the skin conditions Natalee has. I cannot use store-bought wipes. She still gets rashes for no reason, so I figured, let's go the distance. My kickass cousin, Jenny, has been cloth-diapering for awhile now, and I will probably call her a zillion times about it, but at least I have someone to reference! I just bought my very first cloth diaper today! When it comes in, I am most concerned about testing it to see if the PUL is irritating to Juliette's skin. PUL is the waterproof outer shell on the diaper.   
     
      I am still ridiculously excited to be cloth-diapering. I really hope it works out, and it will save so much money in the long run! I was blown away by all the choices there are and abbreviations and stuff. I swear, it's like the Army or something. You almost need to go through a school and an initiation to understand the language!  To be honest, I never thought I would cloth diaper. I thought it was gross, and I didn't have the stomach for it. But now that I'm looking into it, I realize that it's basically the same as disposables. I mean, when one of the girls wets through their diaper onto their sheets, I don't flip out and throw the sheets away, I wash them. Same concept. I hope. :) Wish me luck- I am journeying into a new world with this. One in which I could get carried away and spend lots and lots of money and not once feel fat while doing so! :)
     
      Onto the task(pain in the ass) of potty training! Today I decided, "no more excuses, we are making the potty our bitch!" Well I started by setting a timer on my phone and making Natalee sit on the potty for 10 minutes every time the timer went off. Not only did she pee in between alarms, she would sit on the potty and complain until 10 minutes was up, then she would get off the potty and pee down her leg. Fantastic. NEXT UP- Dora Panties. I said "Natalee, these are big girl panties and they have Dora on them. If you tee tee on Dora, it will make her sad." She repeated me and said she didn't want to make Dora sad. I just knew it was a win. Wrong-o. Later she said, "I gotta sit on the potty!" But it was too late. So we tried different Dora panties. Wet again. She went naked for a couple hours-all the while never even going- and then asked for more panties. I took  deep breath and got her a pair. Immediately she went in them. As it turns out, she thought she needed something on her butt so she could go. So then I tell her that tee tee goes in the potty and not in diapers or panties. An hour or so later she is playing in her room and I ask her if she needs to go. She says "No, okay!" She then runs to the potty and goes!! We danced and gave high fives, even pounded knuckles. Then she got a ice creamcicle thing. You know what I'm talking about. She sat on the potty the whole time she ate that thing. She has yet to go again. But first pee down. I consider it progress.
    
     Jonathan is uber freaked out that she is running around naked. He keeps covering her up and won't let her anywhere near him. I'm like "Dude, it's natural. You like to be naked, she likes to be naked, most people that don't hate themselves like to be naked." He's not buying it. He keeps telling me to put clothes on her. When she stops peeing on them, I will! It's really pretty humorous how much distance he puts in between them. It totally grosses him out.
    
     Oh yea. One more task I am taking on.(by the way, every time I say task, I imagine a nice chiming-tinkly sound like in those books when you were a kid that use to come on tape and read with you and when it was time to turn the page they made a special noise. yep that noise.) Don't laugh at me, because if you know me, you know I am never happy with me, but I recently found out I have put on 20 whole pounds since Jonathan came home from Iraq. In October!! So, I would really love to lose 30-40 pounds by Juliette's 1st birthday. Which is July 7, for those of you that don't know. Big task, but I gotta do it. I can't handle this any more. I feel like friggin Oprah. Fat, skinny, fat, thick, fat, thin, WOAH THATS A BIG BITCH.... I would like to at least continue the cycle to "fit" I don't have to be tiny.  I know I have thick hips. I know I've always had bigger legs, no biggie. But my arms should look like arms and the sight of my belly should not induce dry heaves. I have the whole Zumba set and 3 different Jillian Michael's DVDs, so we will see how that goes. Scoff inside your head if you must.
     
       So I know this has been like the longest blog ever, but it's the first one, and there was a lot of things I wanted to go over. Hopefully every day will be just as random as my jumbly, squishy, tasty-to-zombies brain. Thanks for reading if you made it this far, now go get some visine for your poor, poor eyeballs!

***Disclaimer, no naked children were actually "touched on" in the making of this blog. It's a form of speech. A very ill-fitting one. :)